DejaVu

My infinite amount of resources should surmount
To your finite number of doubts
The unlimited is but an infinitive
Increasing thought to stimulate doubt is affirmative
Existence is colorful and oh so vivid
Participating in the cycle of knowledge, cumulative
Like a circle, beyond any end; or realization towards it
There's none, participation in the run is relative
Trying to forget, with the help of a hypnotist
What was done and what should be
Living in the moments, seeing through the mist
Always forgetting, but noticing the signs
It gets harder to feel the gist, must be a glitch
Realizing synchronization
This DejaVu is repetitive.

Chapters

I never thought I'd let it get this far. I can hear myself screaming for the air, to let go of all the stories that were make believe.

Conversations with myself.

Running the race to reach the finish line. The race to something more and the images in mind of what we associate with the end of the race. Only it was never really my race.

I can only remember those times when life stood still, where the noise was my music. Rhythms were changed, and I didn't notice.

The more effort you put, the more effort is required. It was all a piece of the puzzle, some pieces hard to find. Whereas others sit on the edge where the rest of the puzzle kinda doesn't matter.

I thought I'd never forget, but I guess we're never reminded enough... to dare ourselves to laugh at it all.

Transparency

It’s so intense that it starts to pierce through. I wish I never knew this much because there’s no way I can make the next move. Cornered in my own resistance, choosing would make me compromise another part of myself. To be stuck in my ignorance makes me foolish, but knowing too much is fighting everything. To keep quiet in my resistance is a test of solidarity, and I don’t have the patience to carry through. My wasted mind is wasting me even further, out of sheer boredom. Pull me out of this, I want to put it in a box, label it and put it aside like I do with everything else. But this is the very room which contains all the boxes. The boxes are a part of me; define me, so I’m really running from myself. Confrontation is nothing but the only escape.

And suddenly I’m free again, running off into the wilderness – uncontrolled and untamed.

Camels :p

Clean slates don’t exist. You do what you feel the need to, that’s what defines you. Carrying baggage everywhere you go; like a camel in one of those Middle Eastern movies. Camels, they can bear a lot on their shoulders, but at one point it’s all going to come crashing down. Pushing forward for a different context, where you can forget the burden for a second but soon reality rushes in again. Is there a way out? A way to drop the context you’ve been labeled into? If actions cannot be erased, create new ones. Create the path. One bag falls at a time, the camel feels light as it moves into a direction it was never instructed to. So free that it feels like a crime, but the speeds the camel is capable of now makes it indestructible. There is no way to digress after all the bags have fallen, nothing holding you back.

PS. Camel's are also good for racing.

May 30, 2010

Wrote this a while ago, but its really meaningful to me on many different levels

I am bounded by attachment
My mind got it right
But I cant take it
So I say I do and fake it

The more I see the pretender
The less I need to try
Just say you surrender
And watch you touch the sky

I got shackles on my ankles
If I run, I can escape to no where
So I try instead to be now here
Inhale/exhale feels so tranquil

It lays heavy on my everything
How I reach and can't resist
All the while I can witness
Into myself.

A

R

T

Art is a form of creative expression that cannot otherwise be shown in words. It is intangible and brings forth a feeling of openness rather than resistance which is often times how we feel against society these days. Art is exactly that, an expression of a feeling that is suppressed within our society, and within the communities in which we belong to. Our true feelings become harder to express when there are so many expectations that come from people in our society, standards that we need to fit in order to be taken seriously and to have a proper amount of respect. All these things shouldn’t really matter because it holds back the true person, as opposed to molding yourself to fit the shape of a model citizen in the eyes of our world. This suppresses our true feelings, the resistance causes chaos, as shown by crimes, killings, and etc. People act out because there is no other way to be heard and to be seen since they are stuck in circumstances where there is no way out.

Art helps to release this struggle, with a confrontation of our feelings portrayed in what we create, whether that be through dance, music, poetry, painting. It helps us to release what we otherwise could not do and also to reflect upon what we truly know and feel. Its sometimes something we run away from, not wanting to accept it and doing everything possible to evade it. There will be a time where we have to stop running away from it, stop procrastinating and observe how we react to the way we feel. Releasing that feeling through art helps us to realize that and keep ourselves a bit more balanced and to continue living with more awareness around us.

Seize

Day and night
You fallin' outta sight
Cause you keep calm
Throwing away what you're able
Just to avoid being unstable
But your natural sense is evoking
So do nothing but try to be
As wild as you are authentically.
Because no one can try to mimic
What you bring in you
Is insanity, you never had the chance to pick
Mind over matter
You stuck to it
Now you control the shatter
Aw, the feeling is just a flatter
The time will come to scatter
To your own and create definition
Then provoke the evolution
Spark the flaming situation
And breaking every piece
Waiting for the next big seize.